Potential Divorce

I am starting this blog as a journal; divorce journal if you will. I'm hoping that this will not end in divorce. I am Vince Methot and I love my wife Tiffany Methot. It was recommended to me that if a divorce is going to happen it is in my best interest to have the facts able to be presented. It is unfortunate that I cannot portray my wife in the best light possible because the facts do not show this. However, I do not wish anyone to suppose that I am perfect or better than her in every way. I am better than her is some ways and she is better than me in others. In both cases, we fall short of being great at anything. Some will disagree with this statement and I hope it is not true but I don't want to deny reality.


It happened again on Sunday March 3rd, 2019. I woke up and the house was silent. Tiffany left in the middle of the night with the kids and, this time, with the dog. Last time the triggering event was the credit card decline. But she let me know that that was coming. This time was sudden. At least she didn't indicate that she was thinking it was as bad as it appears to be in her mind. She gave hints, but her heart hardened and she chose not to let me do anything about it. I may get into that later.

I found out that she was at her parents house. Later, I found out that she left after midnight after I had gone to sleep. I texted her, "When were you planning on telling me?" She replied, "I don't know." Then she said, "I'll be back later to pick up some things. We can talk then." That last phrase turned out to be a lie. I spent probably over an hour crying and praying.

I had trouble concentrating enough to pray so I wrote it out.

Heavenly Father,
I'm hurting right now and I don't know what to do about it. This is how I feel - I feel like Tiffany doesn't love me because of some perceived offences. I feel like she's breaking her covenants with thee because she's offended by me.
I had no hope at National Instruments. I had no future there; my confidence that I was a [competent] engineer was [waning]. I was looking for a career that I would both love and allow me to support my family. I found one; I fell in love with it. I started thinking about the career change and knew I would need Tiffany's agreement. Then I asked her what she thought about me going back to school. She told me she would support me. I believed her; but that turned out to be a lie. I rarely felt supported. Our conversations were constantly about how hard it was. Did she not realize that she married a flawed individual? I knew we'd deal with sickness and health. I knew we would face poorer and I still expect to face the richer. She makes me feel - if we are not living in health then our covenants to thee are not worth keeping. She makes me feel - if we are not rich or if we are [struggling] in any manner our covenants to thee are not worth keeping. I knew this would be hard. I saw that coming. I told her that. "Don't you think this is going to be hard?" I said, or something to that effect. Then she lied to me. She said, "Yes, but we can make this work." I expected this marriage was going to teach us longsuffering and unconditional love towards each other. A process that I know is not a short process.
"That's why I married you." I said a lot because I knew we would face the unknown together; even the hard unknown. But she made me feel constantly that this wasn't true of why she married me. She married me because I would make her rich and able to spend money frivolously all day long - That's how she makes me feel. Sure I hope to be rich someday, to be able to spend money for wants, but that day is not today. If that day never comes I still love her.
I know I'm not faultless. I pray to thee to know how to love her in ways she needs to be loved and in many cases I hear nothing. I ask for ears to hear and more often than not I hear nothing. Yet I continue to trust in thee - that these trials are for our good. I never thought about breaking my covenant with thee by getting [divorced]. But Tiffany hangs that card over me a lot. I feel threatened - 'I'm going to [divorce] you if you don't satisfy my needs.' 'You need to fix this because I'm powerless to do anything - this is all on you.' 'This is a problem that I can't help with so I'll just sit back and complain at you; and if that doesn't work I'll leave you - take that.'
Yes, I feel despitefully used and persecuted and yes I pray for her but what good does that do if I can't receive revelation for us.
Heavenly Father, what would you have me pray for? because I certainly don't know. I'm [paralyzed] - in part by my own fears - in part by Tiffany. This doesn't have anything to do with money - it never does.
Please help us mend this wound. We're both hurting. We need vision - thy vision. We need clarity and love. We both struggle with these.
In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

She came by later, about 45 minutes before church. I was prepared to talk. I was even prepared to skip church to talk which, for me is a lot. She came in. I came downstairs and saw that her mother was with her. I offered to help. She said angrily, "Really, you're going to help me pack up? We're done." We exchanged a few more words, which included her telling me that she was going to get a job and an apartment and take Nate out of school and that I didn't need to worry about that because she would take care of it; but I was too hurt to talk and I knew she wouldn't listen. I went up stairs fuming. I wanted to lash out at her because she made me so mad but I knew I couldn't because I love her too much. Anything I would say in my anger I knew I would regret so I shaved and left. I did think about giving her my written out prayer to show her how much I love her, that I'm hurt too, and in hopes that would soften her heart but I felt like that would be throwing pearls before swine. After church I met with the bishop and we talked for a while. He gave me a book which I read for the rest of the day and finished the next day. It gave me some peace.

From just after 4pm to just before 10pm we texted back and forth started by me. I texted, "I was willing to skip church today to talk but you didn't want to talk. I have a lot to say so when your [you're] ready to talk let me know."

She said, "You should have said it earlier. You can call me whenever."
"You didn't say a word."

I didn't call because I couldn't tell that she was going to be willing to actually talk and it turns out she wasn't. I was also reading and trying to figure out how to respond both tactfully and lovingly. I said, "I didn't need to. You know how I clam up when I'm hurt. You know this. And you expected me to open my heart to you after stabbing it and putting up a wall between us. Your actions said, 'I don't want to hear a word you have to say.' It was obvious."
"I know you're hurt, I know I'm not innocent in that, but I love you enough to want you to heal. Please don't think I'm not equally hurt." I should have said 'I know I'm not completely innocent in that,' because a lot of her pain is self-induced or self-inflicted.

Her response, "You didn't even say a word to me when you heard what I had to say. I was expecting you to at least fight for me to stay a little bit. You didn't. You're actions proved you don't need me, nor want to heal from this."
"You have been stone walling me since we started having these conversations. And of course I put up a wall. I need to protect myself from your hurtful actions."
"Anything would have been better than that horrible silent treatment you gave me. That tore me apart."

I could tell that she was fantasizing the worst from me. She misinterpreted my actions and intentions and I didn't want to go on the defensive or start attacking her for her unfounded accusations. So I did the best I knew how and tried to apologize and see if she could be reasoned with.

"It's your prerogative to see things how you choose. We both hurt each other this morning and I'm sorry for my part of that.
Yes I love you. Yes I want you to heal. Yes I want you back. No I don't want to hurt you.
Do you care how I feel?"

If she had said yes to this I would have sent her a copy of that prayer that I wrote out. Her response showed a hardhearted loss of hope from her, "I'm done talking. You'll hear from my attorney."

That hurt so bad I couldn't sleep all night. I might have gotten an hour of sleep at most that whole night. There was a lot of crying and praying.